Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
