i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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