found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The Olympian is in my bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
