Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
