don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
