you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
