Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She even gives head with a lisp.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
