Fuck appropriateness.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
