i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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