She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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