I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
