Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
