After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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