This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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