i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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