So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
