i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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