Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
