She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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