The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
