Umm I'm too high to move.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
