Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
