There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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