i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
