What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
