this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am naked and annoyed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
