the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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