who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
