Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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