You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
