I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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