My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
