I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
