just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
