I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
