Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
