youre lurking in front of me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
