That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
