forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
