You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
