just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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