It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
