girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
