Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
