The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
