I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
