I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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