look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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