1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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