He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
vagina is talking i cant
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
